Snippets Of Me

Digging My Grave

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Ever hated a routine so much because of the unfamiliar hearts that you had to see, but not feel, everyday? I have.

Back in the good ol' days of IJ, getting to know someone was hardly a task. But as I progressed through my education and found myself in NYP, it suddenly became one. At first, I didn't know whether to like school or hate it. Indeed, I do love my school for its location, the convenience of waking up half an hour before class and still make it in time, their 2 week long term breaks (not study breaks) and the learn-at-home concept. But what do I make of these if I don't even enjoy going to this place where I feel I'm alone in a crowd and feel like I'm forced to conform to the initial impression of my introverted self?

Right up til now, it feels like the faces that I see at every lecture and tutorial are but visible, ordinary faces, nothing special and striking about them, simply because I know not of what lies beneath that facade. I didn't realise that school had become a chore and had forgotten how enjoyable it can be til I found myself dragging my lazy feet through the school gates today.

I dislike it. Funnily not even realising the depth of my disinclination. Feeling relieved that Jac, Michelle, Joel and Addison were joining me in school for lunch today confirmed this aversion for school. No doubt it's hasn't been difficult passing the modules, but the sort of dread that I feel has slowly evolved into repulsion.

Don't mistake me. Shareen, Gao Xin and Celina (my poly friends) haven't been the worst people on earth, it's just that there's an inability to connect with them on a deeper level. I could easily blame this on our vastly different backgrounds and cultures that moulded us, but I'd be lying. I never disclose much about my life and the activities that I participate in. Who would expect to enjoy school when you can't share your joys and your woes? I guess it'll be right to say that I dug my own grave of opression.

Now that the sudden realisation has come upon me, it's helped me be a little more open and candid towards the people that surround me in school. Let's hope by the end of my three years, I'd be able to say, I really loved my poly days.

Rachel wrote in the pages of her life at 5:44 PM

0Comments | Leave a snippet of you

0 Comments: