Snippets Of Me

God-High Part One

Sunday, September 24, 2006

There's so much to blog about with the numerous things that have happened over the past 2 weeks. The experiences within me are simply bursting out of me. Off my head there are about 3 major things that I need to share. This God-high that's shaken me from my worldly foundations is just so extremely uncontainable. It really is true when you realise that you were in fact part of a much bigger plan and feel the need to testify of that amazing love.

After aeons of waiting for an answer to that age-old question of 'Why am I here?' and 'What's my purpose here?', the pieces of the jigsaw are finally coming together. I no longer need to hound You for the answers to such questions anymore because You've shown me in so many situations and in so many people that everything that happened, happened for a reason. All in Your own time, in Your great plan. I may not see the whole picture yet, but at least now I know that You are someone worth fighting for, someone worth changing for.

Seeing how everything seemed to happen at such perfect timing and chronological order, assures me even more that He meant for everything to happen in a certain way, at a certain time.

Perhaps I'll start from the very beginning. I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the tender age of 11. At the start, taking care of myself seemed easy because I was pretty much dependent on my parents to do my jabs and portion my meals correctly. But as days turned into months and months turned into years, I found myself feeling more and more alone about my disease. Running off to the toilet to do my jab before every meal was such a hassle. Counting carbohydrates didn't seem to make much sense to me and enjoying myself held a far greater importance than watching my diet carefully.

Naturally, I grew tired with this responsibility and that lack of purpose in my life showed no reason whatsoever on my part to ensure my personal well-being. Giving up was definitely the most attractive option. And so I did. I struggled a lot with my faith in Him, constantly seeking some sort of resolution to all my problems. I asked for the most fundamental thing that a normal person would need in a pit of loneliness - Support. I remember praying one night, in a desperate plea saying, Lord, all I ask is for one person that I can really rely on. Just one person that I can talk to about the struggles I face and who would really understand all that medical jargon that I was talking about.

So my health started to decline to a point where I was at very high-risk of developing complications. Inevitably, mom confronted me about the state of my health. We got into this major cold war because it deeply saddened me that my doctor seemed to understand a whole lot more as to why my health had reached that state than she did. She on the other hand was angry that I seemed to not bother about how my health. In a sense, we both had things to be angry about.

Thankfully, we spent a good 4 hours thrashing things out and even drafted a plan as to where we would proceed from our current state. Our mother-daughter relationship has since been so much more special. I guess they weren't lying when they said that communication is the most important in building in a relationship. My eyes have finally been open to the difficulties that she faces as well.

Shortly after, I attended CC1 camp at St. Theresa's. On the last night, the aspect of sharing kept following me. I can't describe exactly what the feeling was like but sharing kept coming up in my thoughts even at the almost unwell state that I was in. That night, Debbie requested that I share about a God experience with the teens. At that instant, it was like an Oprah ah-ha moment. All the lightbulbs in my head seemed to all go off at the same time. I didn't know what it was exactly that I needed to share about because I just couldn't seem to really remember enough details of a particular God experience to share. So I shared about the most recent God experience that was still fresh in my mind. My mom. How God showed me a small fragment of His immense love for me through her.

It was there and then during the sharing that I realised. God had already sent me that one person that I asked for. That one person that could understand what I was going through. That one person that was with me from the beginning. It was none other than... my mother.

So you really can't say that I have no reason to be on this God-high. In fact, I have at least 2 more reasons. Stay tuned...

Rachel wrote in the pages of her life at 10:38 PM

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