Snippets Of Me

Revisting Priorities

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Reading my past blog posts have illuminated the changes that have taken place in my life. This blog must be what, 3 years old at least? I've subconsciously created this pattern of impersonality in my writing as I take less and less time to stop and ponder about the direction that my life is taking, or rather, the direction that I've allowed it to take.

It's made me revisit my priorities.
Comparing the two lists of things that I held dear to my heart back then and now, undeniably, have changed drastically. The world's influence seem to have gained a larger share of voice. I knew I was drifting away. I just didn't know or probably want to push the halt button on it.

I don't know when it hit me. This isn't the kind of life that I want because it's been empty for so long. It's like a vacuum void of emotions that's tearing me from the inside out. It was only an illusion of what true happiness is.

I don't say that I can safely say that I know what true happiness is, but I do know in my heart that I've had my fair share of heaven, ones that I've chosen to forget and breed the denial that there was something else worth living for. And perhaps, that's just the thing I miss the most. My biggest regret was to slowly corrode the boundaries of morality that I believed in and allowed it to have a voice in the way that I think, act and feel.

Perhaps the largest lesson learnt is that I don't have to be like you to love you. Because the real problem is in me not being able to love myself first, to love you for who you are.

Oh and 'you' doesn't mean anyone in particular, just in case you were wondering.

Rachel wrote in the pages of her life at 2:34 AM

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