Snippets Of Me

Conversations with the Doctor

Sunday, February 22, 2009

So today was the day that either made or broke me. Ok, the reality of the situation isn't that dramatic, but I could feel my heart thump in a psychotic-nervous kinda way as the machine processed my A1c results. I didn't use to get nervous over it because I always expected horrible results. Perhaps it's a good thing that I now get all rattled when waiting for it. Could be telling of how I'm caring more and maybe feeling like there is hope after all. Even for a person of the likes of me.

The results weren't ideal, it's now 8.1. (it was 7.1 in December) I couldn't help but feel disappointed about it because I wanted it to be better. My aim's 5.5-6 actually. Then again, doing a crash course in 3 weeks and hope for a good number should have been indicative of not having too high hopes. A little like the foolish student who hopes he can do well when he hasn't studied the whole semester and crams everything he can a night before the exam. I shouldn't have expected too much, because I know it wasn't realistic to have that type of expectation.

Much to my own surprise though, I'm not as affected by it as I thought. Part of what this whole disease has taught me is that there will be good times and there will be horrible times, much like what life is about. What's important is how we pick ourselves up from the tough times and (sometimes with much needed assistance) to outdo ourselves. Before I start sounding like some incorrigible motivational speaker, I shall make my point.

I've faced some rather challenging times in the past decade. From constantly forgetting my jabs to wanting to just throw away all the meters and devices that helped sustain me. It's certainly been a hell of a rollercoaster ride. God has such an amazing way of delegating that he chooses the best people for the right job to teach us a certain lesson. Even the inconsiderate, pompous people were probably handpicked to teach us a thing or two about His virtues. I think God picked Warren to show me perseverance.

I would definitely hate me if I were my doctor. I've had infections, long periods of bad A1c numbers, an enlarged liver, mild kidney complications, wounds that won't heal and unhealthy weight loss due to poor control. That's only the physical frustration that he's had to deal with when it came to me. It included emotional issues when I was on an insulin boycott and indiscriminate eating. I'd take the award for worst patient ever now.

In any case, throughout every low point that I faced, I never heard him complain once and lecture me about how I shouldn't eat this or shouldn't do that. He's always been optimistic about how we could approach the problem in a different way and solve it together as a team.

There was once when I felt like I couldn't do it any longer and broke down in his office. He knew that I was on a burnout because the dreariness of it all was evident in how my log book was practically empty and admitted me for about 2 days so that I could let the nurses in the hospital take care of me and give me a 'diabetes holiday'.

I was just telling Mom today how I hated this other doctor that I had to see because Warren couldn't make my appointment one of those days. He was totally judgmental about my state of health and even used my almost empty log book as an example of a 'bad diabetes patient' at one of the diabetes camps. Luckily God made me strong enough to deal with that and all the other issues. What this other doctor failed to understand was what Warren understood perfectly. Many times, a patient's terrible state of health is a symptom of larger issues that he/she is facing.

I'm really grateful for Warren because he's been that small voice that's constantly reminding me to take care of myself and who helps me get back on track. He's been charting the way and a source of hope in the many hopeless situations. Talk about seeing Jesus in the face of others!

I truly am thankful for Warren. :)

Rachel wrote in the pages of her life at 12:44 AM

0Comments | Leave a snippet of you

0 Comments: