Snippets Of Me

The Fact of the Matter

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Kerri's tagline on her Six Until Me blog is
'Diabetes doesn't define me, but it helps explain me.'

I've been pondering about whether there is truth in that statement and whether I can identify with it. After putting much thought into it over the past few days, I've finally come to a conclusion.

Perhaps the reason why I was struggling with what this statement is trying to say is because it comes across as a 'I've conquered diabetes' kinda way.

The fact of the matter, at least in my situation, is that there are days when I want to just curl up in my bed and wish I didn't have to change my infusion site and fret over whether I'm going to have a hyper episode or a hypo episode after every meal. The fact of the matter is that I hate when I have horrible starts to days when a hypo defines the beginning of it. The fact of the matter is that in many ways, there are times I still feel broken about having to live with it even after blogging about feeling healthier and seeing progress in my state of health. The fact of the matter is that I get so sick and tired of counting carbs and keeping track of where my sugars are bringing my energy level. The fact of the matter is that there are days like this that I can still feel diabetes has defined who I've become. Easily irritable, self conscious and pessimistic.

Surely, it does explain me, it explains a lot of questions that people have in their minds but wouldn't ask. Things like why does she have this pager-like thing attached to her all the time? Why does she prick her finger on purpose before eating?

It explains why I get migraines during 'hypo seasons'. It explains why I put on weight after I'm back on intensive insulin therapy. It also explains the reasons for having developed a dislike for excessive smoking and drinking. It explains how my life can spiral out of control with no one knowing. It explains why I would rather hear you talk about you than me about me.

I'm glad that Kerri has that sort of attitude towards her diabetes. I can't say that I am where she is right now, but I hope I'm getting there.

Rachel wrote in the pages of her life at 2:33 PM

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