Snippets Of Me

Hating Horrible Hypos

Monday, February 16, 2009

My body's been feeling really tired of late and I think I found out the reason why. I think the multiple lows that I've been getting have left my body extremely exhausted. It must be really tired from bracing my body for a crash in my blood sugars, holding on to existence until it was treated and dealing with the aftermath after a hypo episode.

I've really gotta find a way to deal with all these lows. It's sucking the energy right out of me. The worst feeling is waking up with a low. I absolutely abhor it because it's been making me feel so tired in the mornings. It's even more annoying when it wakes me in the middle of the night. I sometimes struggle with the decision to get up and treat it or let myself die in my sleep. I really don't have suicidal tendencies, but it's a really rude way of interrupting your sleep. I hhhhhhhhate it!

Over the weekend, I found another reason to hate it. I was at Pasir Ris for a birthday party and got a really low glucose level. I don't know how low because I didn't take a reading, but judging from how my eyes had a very hard time adjusting to the darker light as I walked into the chalet and the spots of white that I saw, I could tell that it must have been a 2.5 or less. Genius me forgot to pack my emergency kit into my bag and found myself desperately having to eat something but couldn't find the right time to do it. Maranatha was about to start their session and it seemed inappropriate that I dig into the fridge for some help. In trying desperately not to attract too much attention to myself, I drank whatever Pokka Green Tea Bel had and hoped for the best. I think my body was so tired after that day because it was in a hypo state for about half an hour. That could have be a Guiness Record for holding on to dear life.

There were many times that I ran into this dilemma of having to tell somebody that I need to eat something. Not as a passing remark that means that you're hungry, but meaning to say that I really need to eat something now. Not later when we find food, but I need to go and buy right now or you need to go and help me get it or I might collapse on the way there. The dilemma is in revealing the urgency of the situation which constitutes having to reveal that I have diabetes, or putting my body in hell before I find the opportunity to get something sweet in my system.

It's a price you pay I guess, for wanting to conceal the disease. It makes having this lonely sometimes because of not wanting people to feel weird about you and your situation. I just don't understand why this is such a big obstacle. Even telling Joel's hard for me to do. What's wrong with me?!

Rachel wrote in the pages of her life at 3:40 PM

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