Snippets Of Me

Goodbye Feelings, Hello Knowledge

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I draw a lot of relations of God to my disease because that's some weird connection that God has with me. Those that I remember are posted here. It's not entirely similar, but there are parallels that I draw from the small incidences that in fact has bits of learning lessons packed in them.

The strangest thing happened with my blood sugars today. It's common sense for a person living with diabetes to know that right after a meal, you will not get a hypo. Simply because the carbohydrate that's in it will give you a slight hyper rather than a hypo (if you're managing you're insulin correctly, that is.) But I got a 2.7 on my meter about half an hour after my meal. It was a 7.8 before that. How can that be? It should be impossible to do that. If I know my body as well as I thought I did, then how could this happen?

Before I got into a fit of getting annoyed about it, something struck me. It's in these small little annoying things that teach me a little bit more about how my body reacts. If I wasn't doing 5-times-a-day checks on my blood sugar levels, I wouldn't have known that the reaction of insulin on my body peaks about 45 mins after it's been delivered.

There's a saying that goes, familiarity breeds contempt. Like God, the more I rely on what's familiar about Him, like the isolated places that I remember Him and the textbook answers about Him, the more I take Him for granted. I guess being comfortable with the little knowledge that I have about God has been the reason for the spiritual dryness that I've encountered during my spiritual journey.

Having lived with diabetes for a decade, you would think that I should at least have some knowledge about how my body reacts to certain foods or exercise. On the other hand, I know very little about it. To tell the truth, I've learnt more about my body in the past month than I did in the past nine years because thankfully for persevering through all the testing of my blood sugar levels and making mental notes about the dos and don'ts that's specific to my body. I used to only know roughly how much would constitute an overdose of insulin and roughly how much is eating too much, but if you ask me now, I can tell you the exact dosing and exact portions.

Much like God, I know the general terms associated with Him, like love, patience, kindness, forgiveness. But I'm not sure I can say specifically how all these played out in the Bible. Sitting through Bible study with Scott Hahn has made me realize how very little I know about God. And there's so much material out there to learn about Him.

The decision to get my blood sugars under control was something that I needed to do on my own. Not my doctor, Mom or anyone else for that matter. Now, I'm learning so much about my body and how to take care of it.

I think learning about God, the Church and the faith is also a decision. Being comfortable with what I already know has done nothing for me. My relationship with God was dictated by how I felt and not by my knowledge of His greatness and power.

Goodbye feelings, hello knowledge. :)

Rachel wrote in the pages of her life at 8:57 PM

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