Snippets Of Me

Odd Feelings, Strange Place

Thursday, June 17, 2010

It's odd. This sense of having nothing to do. I feel somewhat lost and far away from everyone and everything. It's almost like I've been living in a shell for the longest time. I can't help but wonder what I'm doing.

I've been thinking a lot during this after I completed my dissertation. Perhaps the whole job search task was a little daunting to make me feel this way, but I realized that as I grew up I really hated change.

No, hate is an understatement. I abhorr change. I really do. I hated whenever the people that I came into contact daily with had to change. I used to hate going to school when I got streamed into EM1 at Primary 5. I guess what I hated most about it was being new in a class of 30 other stranger faces. I hated when I had to go to poly when every other person was going to JC and the fact that almost 90% of my classmates' primary language when conversing was Mandarin.

As the pressure to find a job mounts with the days that pass, I'm slowly finding it an absolutely scary thing. I would like to be that outgoing, outspoken person that I am when I'm comfortable, but I don't deny that I'm as timid as a mouse when it comes to a change in environment.

Everything seems like a blur these days. Let's not even begin to talk about my health. It's been in the dumps lately. Haven't found any sort of motivation to keep me in the 'normal range' let alone keep me healthy. The three times a day trips to the gym has become once a week. I know I need to do something, but I don't know why I feel like some invisible steel bars are holding me down and I can't seem to move ahead or backwards.

Rachel wrote in the pages of her life at 4:30 PM

1Comments | Leave a snippet of you

1 Comments:

I agree with you!
I happens to me too! -_-

By lost, at 3:21 AM