Snippets Of Me

The Number Ten

Sunday, May 10, 2009

I know it's been a while since I've come on to type an entry. It's largely due to the fact that exams are around the corner and although I can't say that I've been really diligent, not blogging makes me feel a little better about the situation. Heh...

It's the 10th of May 2009, I celebrate my 10th year of having diabetes today. It's a little surreal as to how far I've come and well, kinda annoyed as to how long more there is to go. But, we'll leave the pessimistic perspective for another day. I'm determined to take on a celebratory spirit and not harp on the things I cannot change.

I've made two lists of ten, since it seems to be the number that ties everything nicely together.

You might need the diabetes dictionary for this one. Click here!

Top 10 most annoying things about diabetes

1. Hunger
I remember hating to feel hungry because it meant either an extra jab or the possibility of having a high after. The fact that it's difficult to gauge how certain foods react with my body makes eating rather annoying especially when you can't help it.

2. Bruises on my tummy
Bruises like these are painful and really irritating!

3. Hypos in the middle of the night
I'm not a big fan of having my sleep interrupted let alone waking up with a sweaty forehead and a racing heart and scrambling for the fridge to bring my BSLs back up again.

4. The ups and the downs
On days when my blood sugars decide to go psychotic on me, it brings me on this rollercoaster ride emotionally and physically. It's the epitome of a bad day for me.

5. Waking up with a hypo or a hyper
Both ways, it's a horrible to start the day. Waking up hypo leaves me feeling really lethargic like I haven't rested the whole night. Hypers on the other hand, wake me up with this really uncomfortable feeling in my chest.

6. Bruises on my fingertips
When Warren calls for an intensive blood glucose monitoring, I'm especially susceptible to getting bruises on my fingertips when there calls a need for 7 times a day testing over a span of a week. Makes me wish I had more fingers...

7. Clothes that aren't Tommy-Friendly
I don't think I'm a very fashion conscious person, but clothes that don't have pockets (especially dresses) makes them very Tommy-Unfriendly since there isn't a space for him to abide snugly and comfortably.

8. Deceiving food labels
Remember the enemy? Boycott Nutrisoy!

9. Sharing the same bed as Tommy
I love Tommy, I really do. But his cord annoys me when I need to untangle him in the middle of the night. It's really not easy sharing a bed with this fella.

10. Assumptions
Perhaps this doesn't really count as something annoying, but assumptions that people make about the disease can be difficult to deal with. The thing about Tommy is that he gives me the freedom to eat anything. I do appreciate the choice sometimes to be able to reject or accept something that's assumed to be 'forbidden for diabetics.'

Top 10 Learning Lessons

1. Courage
I know I'm known to have a chicken heart, but diabetes has presented many opportunities for me to be courageous about both the disease and sharing about it with others. Sharing about this with people that I never expected to share this with helped me take giant leaps of faith in God and in the people I love.

2. Hope
In the many hopeless situations that I've encountered over the past 10 years with the disease, it's taught me lessons of being hopeful in a seemingly hopeless situation. It's in the hopelessness that has helped me appreciate the meaning of hope in the one who has walked before me.

3. God's amazing love
I think diabetes has given God airtime to show me that he loves me. Like I shared before, managing the disease is a lot like how God would have us lead our lives. It will never be easy taking His way, but it will be the surest way of joy, peace, hope and love.

4. Compassion
I think struggles help put us in positions that empathise and sympathise with others better. I don't claim to know what it means entirely to be compassionate, but being able to relate with similar experiences of my own has given me some small insight into the magnitude of God's compassion for His people.

5. The value of my mortality
It's precisely because I don't have perfect scores on my health status reports that makes this a little easier for me. It's true what they say, you don't miss something until it's gone. I don't really remember what it's like to not have diabetes having lived half my life with this. It has been a very central part of my life, even during the times when I didn't want it to be.

6. Myself
I know that anyone and in fact everyone can embark on a journey of self discovery. I guess it's a little different for me when this disease forced me to take on a more mature role in coping with it and accepting the disease. I remember very clearly when Mom was holding a teary-eyed me by the hospital bed when I was first admitted in the hospital and whispered in my ear, 'It's in God's plan. We just need to trust in Him.' I do believe now more than ever that God set me out on this path to get to know myself so much better and gain so much more ground on the person that He made me to be and who I can be.

7. Thankfulness
Even with the long list of things that I could complain about when it comes to managing this, I've learned to be grateful for the many other things that I take for granted that others don't have. There's definitely something to be thankful about. I just need to remind myself to look for them.

8. Trust in God
There's a saying that goes, 'Do your best and God will do the rest'. Making this cross an offering in a spirit of trust in Him has been extremely awe-inspiring for me. There were many incidences and traces of His hand holding mine that caught me whenever I fell. There isn't any other way but to trust in His ways. Surely, there were times when I felt that He was no where in sight, but I've been so blessed to be able to recognize later that He actually was in every cut and bruise that I took along the way.

9. Importance of exercise
I'm not a particularly active person and I didn't start to make a commitment to exercise regularly until about half a year ago. It's reaped many benefits in terms of my well being and in the managing of the complications related to the disease.

10. Amazing Grace
At the end of 10 years, the central and most important thing that I've learned is that in this state of His amazing grace, there is nothing that I cannot overcome. Even if I've to live with this the rest of my life, I take comfort in knowing that He's got His eyes on me, refining me in His fire.

Rachel wrote in the pages of her life at 10:25 PM

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